I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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