I think my vagina is haunted
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
