she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
