there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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