Can i not drive my cunt home
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
