I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
