just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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