He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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