sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
