It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
