i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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