I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
