So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
