Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
