I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
