Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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