he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
