Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
