You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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