When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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