he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
