WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
