I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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