Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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