So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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