How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
id be glad to
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
