home. puking in laundry basket.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
