Whod you bang
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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