I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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