Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
