I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
