My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
