it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
