Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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