we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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