why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
