The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
