Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
