Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
