I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
