i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
