sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
