I think I died a long time ago.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
True college students do jello shots in the library
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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