My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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