I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
foreskin is a definite game changer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
