My friends, they love my intelligence
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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