u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
