Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
