remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
In America we eat man semen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
