3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
