At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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