What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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