After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
