her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
