She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
