He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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