I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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