omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
