The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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