Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
